Blog #18: Crash Course in Correct Conduct

Like any animal, humans are born with a set of instincts- essentially an internal survival guide detailing what one is to do in case of fire (run), encountering a dangerous predator (run) or engaging with an attractive other (mate). Unfortunately, human life is very complex and demands acquiescence of a larger set of rules- also known as social mores- to which one should abide for the optimal functioning of a community. These are not in-born. Someone- mom- dad- sister, brother- guardian- must essentially teach us how to live.

Or, at the very least, function in society in a way that is sustainable.

For those who have the misfortune of somehow having missed this social inauguration, I come bearing a few tips.

Let us make use of the hypothetical. Say you are an eighty year-old man and you come across a young woman sitting alone on a bench. Do you:

•  a)      Say hello
• b)      Have a seat next to her (despite three adjacent free benches) and ask her questions about her nationality, age, work and living conditions
• c)      Ask her on a date
• d)     Invite her to move in with you (after all, you have two bedrooms and a big kitchen!)
• e)      Force a slip of paper with your phone number into her hand
• f)       Tell her you will go looking for her in the local coffeeshops
• g)      All of the above

A - Is perfectly acceptable. It is polite and friendly to greet someone with whom you cross paths, and can often brighten the day if done appropriately.

B – Is okay. If this lady is living in a small town full of old people, she probably has a similar encounter at least three times per day.

C – Don’t. You’re eighty. You’re missing a fair share of upper teeth. Chase may arguably be in a man’s nature, but this is an exemplary situation where this “nature” should be restrained. She, in all likelihood, does not want to date you.

D – For God’s sake, don’t.

E – Go directly to the Beyond Help subdivision.

F – Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

G – You have demonstrated in six simple steps how to alienate another human being. Please take a moment to reflect and potentially refine this strategy.

Humans are wont to interact with each other. Argument, war, murder and all nasty intermingling is often the result of social or cultural misunderstanding. Is there something to be done for those who appear not to understand the fundamental rules of public politeness? Taken to the furthest level, it may be as important as knowing not to put one’s hand in the fire or to run from rhinos.